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i think the biggest thing stopping me from getting even better than i am right now and getting more work done is resistance.

i spend of lot of time resisting the act of doing work, whether that's music, video, or even schoolwork. i think i get so afraid of fucking up and/or afraid of the amount of work to do that my brain starts to make up excuses and distractions so i don't start working at all. i'll end up binge watching Youtube videos or movies and then i'll feel super empty and depressed afterwards when i realize i was just wasting time.

at this point, creating is a habit so i usually end up making something everyday and i also start to get more and more depressed & suicidal the less i create. but what i'm trying to figure out i how to "turn pro". see, the difference between a professional and an amateur is this factor of discipline. an amateur will let his mind distract him and resist the act of creating. and if you're already creating, sometimes the mind tries to trick you to stop or to be lazy with what you make. but i'm not trying to make average shit, i'm here to innovate and fuck shit up, and that requires "above average" work hours.

i have a goal of work hours that i'm trying to reach by the end of the year. i'm slowly building habits that will help me get there though. i'm not tripping, at this point i'm obsessed and will keep trying no matter how many times i fuck up. i've promised a lot of things to myself, and i am 100% planning on keeping all of those promises.

GK-22 most deadly weapon

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