USE ALL OF THE TIME

bro, i waste so much fucking TIME. i'm so tired of not knowing wtf is going on when it comes to things that i can perfectly keep track of if i spend the time to. i hate when i keep looping.

this is my third fucking semester in school and i still can't grasp the simple fucking idea that it's easy and important to stay on top of everything if you dedicate some TIME to it. i could literally breeze my way through this easy ass thing that is university if i just spend like 1-2 HOURS on it everyday or so. but instead i waste that TIME watching stupid videos or just doing things that bring no value whatsover.

and i understand why i do such things, it's because of my lack of perspective. i don't see passed the short term pain and frustration that is sitting down and putting in the TIME and the work. i don't see the long term benefits of going through that short term pain. i only chase instant gratification, so i can never sit and try to figure out something that actually takes time and effort, i'm obsessed with getting the results now.

i wanna master self-discipline. i finally know myself after 4 fucking years of searching. but now it's about figuring out how to improve my discipline. how to finally see the difference between short term and long term, seeing what my current actions will cause in the future. niggas use this "nothing matters" phrase so loosely, and they hide behind it as an excuse to not try as hard as they could. i fucking hate that. fuck that.

bro i could 100% do school, work, music & dojo at the same time if i truly want to. it would just require that i utilize every fucking second while i'm awake, even while i'm asleep lmao.

i realized: no one understands my drive. mainly because it's been fed to people that this age is the age to chill out and party and make stupid mistakes, so we use that to justify being lazy and unproductive. but i see this age as the perfect time to work like a fucking maniac. i'll never be this young again, my body is young and fresh and my bones still work well. as i age, diseases start to manifest and shit like that. people have it backwards. and they don't understand the way i see things, so they're quick to disagree or just say i'm "overthinking" when i say these things.

YOU LITERALLY HAVE ONE FUCKING LIFE MY NIGGA. YOU COULD DIE TOMORROW. I WOULDN'T WANNA GET SOME RANDOM NEWS FROM A DOCTOR TELLING ME I'LL BE DYING IN 2 HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS, AND THEN KNOWING THAT I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO HELP THIS PLANET OR MY PARENTS OR MY FUTURE GENERATIONS. I DON'T WANNA BE ON MY FUCKING DEATHBED AND BE FILLED WITH REGRET ABOUT ALL OF THE OPPORTUNITIES I WASTED.

you have one fucking life my nigga. please make it worth it. stop being selfish and contribute, both to yourself and others. kill the old bad habits, build the good new ones. i feel so lonely still, i mean i'm fine with it, but it's interesting,

ugh.

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