it's the hardest thing ever to realize a path that you want to take, and to be able to somewhat conceptualize the challenges and suffering that will come from that path. hence why most humans are lazy and don't try to do any substantial, because it's a long, pain-filled path.

one thing i've realized is that if i do choose to pursue these ambitions and goals that i have, they will cause so so so much pain in the short-term that will challenge both my physical and mental health.

as my lens focuses on its subject, everything around become blurry, and the only thing i begin to able to see is that subject, and the better my focus gets, the more everything other than the subject become blurry.

this is a sacrifice that actual brings fear into me because this means that i will lose focus on so many other possibly valuable things or people in my life, which i reaaaaaaaaaaaally don't want to happen. but this is my life we're talking about, and it's what i decided is the purpose that i will dedicate my life to, so it's like fuck dude, i don't know what the fuck to do.

things would be more simple if everyone could see things the same way, but that's not possible. but it is possible to understand that not everyone sees things the same way and to try to understand why another party might have different views.

i don't wanna lose anyone, at all. but i must also accept the fact that the path i'm taking (just like almost every other path) will involve making sacrifices, like losing people you really care about.

life is a joke and it sucks.